


The adventures of the extraordinary nobody, Clary Due.

by Cindy_Svensson



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, I mean: writing badly purposely is fun, explicit on occasion but not actually masturbation material, writing poorly on purpose is fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-29 09:17:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cindy_Svensson/pseuds/Cindy_Svensson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The plain yet special Clary Due happens upon unjustified opportunities and become the focus of every adventure she happens upon. For example, she befriends every last one of The Avengers, becomes BFF with Coulson and makes out with everyone. She also discovers she’s conveniently good at everything. But Clary seems to be the only one to realize any of this is weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If you think you’ve read this before, it’s because you have. A lot.

**Author's Note:**

> Love fanfiction but have become a bit tired of certain clichés, even if they’re well written? Tired of the Mary Sue-ish supernatural romance fiction/fanfiction in general? Well, come down the rabbit hole with me while I lovingly make fun of The Avengers fanfiction (and some other fandoms’ too).
> 
> Btw, cookies for you if you find the Supernatural reference, and the somewhat obscure Buffy reference.

Clary was a smart girl of 22, or so she liked to tell herself. At the very least, she knew not to take herself too seriously. She thought she wasn’t anything special, but was fine with that. “Everyone’s a unique snowflake, but so are everyone else” and all that.

Yet, she couldn’t help but long for adventure. It wasn’t a smart thing to do, especially for an average girl working in a flower shop who actually liked the comfortable life, but Clary’s head was firmly up in the clouds. She was going to slay the dragon (or befriend it) and save the gentleman in distress. She was going to pull the sword out of the stone and marry a prince (or princess, you never knew). Yes, Clary was a dreamer.

Up until the day sky opened and alien’s invaded. That would make even the most adventurous person want to be safe and have a normal life. It was in human nature to be cautious after all. And to want the complete opposite of what they already have.

But since Clary wasn’t actually an ordinary girl (but that’s for another chapter), she found courage from somewhere deep inside herself and decided to do something. Turns out, that was a bad idea.

She ran out, having decided she was not going to die being shot down while running away or hiding. She was going to die a hero (or you know, survive and celebrate life was also an option). But like with many heroes on their first adventure, she misjudged her abilities and got in trouble. 

Clary attempted to pick up a long stick weapon – Mr. Sticky as she named it - an alien had dropped when being shoot down by a man with delicious arms and a weird yet cool black and purple outfit. She had grasped the handle of Mr. Sticky, but had to drop it when a man with an even more ridiculous outfit in black, green and gold tried to shoot her down from a metal fly thing.

But a man in red, white and blue - _‘Holy shit, a cosplayer’_ , Clary noticed while almost wetting her pants – jumped out of nowhere and shielded her with a actual shield, bursts of colorful energy bouncing off it.

The man in black, green and gold yelled a battle cry equal part silly and hot while whooshing past them, aiming for unlucky pedestrians who still hadn’t found a place to hide.

The man who looked like a Captain America wanna be told Clary to take cover and stay down. But she knew super heroes actually respected moxie, so she ignored the advice and watched the man run to take down more aliens. Clary ran and picked up Sticky, aiming it at aliens and firing. She saw reluctant respect shine in the cosplayer’s eyes while she aimed and took down almost every alien she shot at. Apparently what she learned while hunting with her uncle at age 15 was coming back to her. But then she had been hunting deer, not aliens. And with a rifle, not an extremely advanced non-Earth weapon she shouldn’t know how to use so easily. But whatever.

Clary saw the cosplayer take off and join his buddies and do a weird but photographically pleasant stand off against the aliens. She knew she was plain and boring, so she didn’t join in. After all, they were real heroes and needed their hero bonding moment.

And her mother had told Clary – before the tragic accident that killed Clary’s entire family - to stay away from Tony Stark and guys like him.

So she continued to run, duck and shoot, admiring the asses of her fellow alien killers. And wow, did that guy’s hammer use lightning to kill the aliens? And oh crap, one of the enormous worm things saw her and began flying her way.

Clary dropped Mr. Sticky and ran as if death was after her. Which it kind of was.

It moved closer and closer to the ground, cutting down lampposts and telephone booths as if they were wheat on a field, finally scratching the roof of the cars just behind Clary. Apparently it had decided to eat her.

But Iron Man/Tony Stark ( _‘Do I have to stay away from him if he’s in his Iron Man persona? Hmm.’_ ) flew down and attempted to rescue her, shooting off into the worm things mouth. While Clary was running, sweat running down her face, her cheeks red in an attractive way, she saw an opening in the creatures chest armor while glancing over her shoulder (being an amateur marathon runner certainly paid off for Clary) and decided to help Iron Man.

She picked up another weapon (Mr. Sticky the Second) and turned to face the beast, shaking with fear. Then, with determination, Clary fired Mr. Sticky with forceful... determination. She was not going to die a coward.

The young woman ran screaming towards the beast and fired off into the hole in its armor, somehow reaching an especially vulnerable spot and killing it, à la the Death Star from Star Wars.

Clary high fived Iron Man who said “You’re alright kiddo” before flying off to be heroic elsewhere, to prove that he had a conscience (even though that should be pretty clear to anyone after the two Iron Man movies _Captain_ ).

The battle raged on, and Clary saved lots of people by telling them to hide deep within the buildings on the bottom floors. Sometimes she slapped them in the face and told them to get a grip, because somehow Clary was calm despite her lack of experience with these sorts of situations. She even had to wave away a few people who wanted autographs, saying there really was no time for that now.

After the battle had gone on for what seemed like forever for the exhausted woman, she saw a blur of gold and red save the day, later to be saved by a Giant Green Rage monster. Sadly Mr. Sticky the Fifth died when the aliens did.

The flower shop girl wondered if she was enough of a hero yet to join with the heroes who had gathered, especially when she overheard they were going to go get something to eat, but she decided to hang back and follow them from a distance. She didn’t follow into Stark Tower though. That might be illegal, even though there were no guards.

Clary instead sat down on what used to be the giant T in Stark Tower’s logo and inspected her battle wounds, happily noticing she would have scars she could tell stories about, but not big or ugly, unfitting for a woman. Being deformed had never been part of her daydreams. Clary decided not to talk about it with the Giant Green Rage monster now turned man, who would probably have issues with that kind of thinking.

Just when Clary’s butt started to itch (broken and bent metal wasn’t very comfortable) and she had decided to leave, a blue thing fell from the sky. Not knowing what it was, and being too tired to notice how it fell in slow motion, Clary caught it. It’s what heroes do, keep things from breaking without thinking.

The blue thing turned out to be a cube. It was glowing and humming, pretty and dangerous. It seemed to be alive, and happy to be where it was, as if it suddenly had found someone Worthy.

Clary had time to get her senses back and try and fail to drop the suddenly clingy cube, before the humming intensified and blue light enveloped her. It seemed to sink into the skin of the woman’s palms, and become one with her.

“Oh shit,” was the last thing Clary said before she lost conscience, not hearing the whoosh and computer-y voice of Iron Man calling for her to wake up.


	2. We would never work out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary wakes up in the hospital and Captain America is being a bit presumptuous.

Shapes of snakes and the feeling of rope cutting into her wrists were not common occurrences in Clary’s dreams, but now that and many more sinister images and sensations filled the woman’s mind. The sweat pooled on her skin, soaking the sheets she lay on. With a scream she sat up, wide awake, panting as if she’d run a mile.

There are also some curtains wafting in the night wind, since the window is mysteriously open when it shouldn’t be. There’s also possibly a full moon. Perhaps, Clary feels a sense of foreboding because of the nightmares. Who knows? (“I do,” whispers the author before chackling manically.)

The sudden scream startled the half-sleeping man sitting in the corner of the hospital room. He jumped up ready to fight, reaching for the shield that wasn’t there, left behind in the tower. When he saw there was no danger, just a scared woman, he relaxed and approached the bed.

Clary was for some reason not scared of the man, sensing the good in him, the bravery and the kindness, and immediately floored by how someone could look that good in a bloody and ripped fanboy costume. Clary immediately wanted to point out the inaccuracies in comparison to the real Captain America’s outfit, but she didn’t want to be _that_ fan.

Their eyes meet and they both felt an unspoken connection. Suddenly they knew their fates were entwined, one way or another. Perhaps… romantically?

Blushing they adverted their eyes.

“You were amazing out there.”

“What? Oh, no, I just, I just… I’m kind of surprised I didn’t die. I had no idea what I was doing?”

“No,” the man choked, moved by the woman’s grace. “You’re special.”

Feeling a bit awkward, Clary decided to focus the attention elsewhere.

“So, you’re into Captain America?”

An adorable and confused look covered the man’s face, and Clary immediately decided she liked him. And wanted to deflower him, for some reason.

“No, I… Promise not to say anything but… I am Captain America.”

Now it was Clary’s turn to look confused.

“You are… very well preserved.”

“Thanks. I was frozen for 70 years.”

“Oh. I didn’t know they did cryogenics back in the, eh, back in the day.”

Clary was scratching at the needle that connected the drip to her, thinking about ripping it off, together with the monitor pad thingies on her chest. Perhaps storm off, telling off some well-meaning doctor who insisted she was leaving against recommendations.

Then the flower shop girl realized that would be dumb, since she didn’t know how injured she was.

She should probably ask someone about her injuries, because now she noticed that the humming she had assumed was from fear after her nightmare hadn’t lessened. Finally she recognized the humming and got scared.

“Look, Captain America-“

Clary stopped, the man’s beautiful face suddenly twisting into an expression of pain and regret.

“I know what you’re going to say. But you’re not out of my league just because I’m a hero. Don’t think that.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“And baggage, I have so much baggage, there can never be anything between us. I would ruin you.”

“Ok. I do realize we had a connection, but aren’t you getting ahead of yourself?”

“I know I saved you, and that you want to reward me. But know that what you’re feeling is perfectly natural.”

“… I was actually going to ask if you could get a doctor.”

“Oh… Of course.

“Good, because I think I swallowed a blue cube. Or it more likely went into me.” 

She was met with dead silence and a blank stare. Then the Captain ran out of the room as if the devil was chasing him.

“Hey, not in a gross way,” Clary yelled after him. She really shouldn’t have done that, because she thought she felt a rib move, but no pain. _‘Thank God for meds.’_

Clary laid back down to wait, very surprised when a bunch of Men In Black wanna bees entered the room, spreading out, aiming guns at her. She was too shocked to panic, but figured by the look of them, that they feared her.

“Object is secured, run the alarm,” one of the suits said out into the air. She couldn’t see an earpiece, and wondered if he was crazy.

“Object?”

The fire alarm sounded, startling the woman, but not making any of the gunmen react. Clary felt a prick in her neck before everything went dark. Again.


	3. I like you (even though I hardly know you).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is a big baby.

The next time she woke, Clary felt every injury she had gotten. A silent groan escaped her lips. She refused to open her eyes, hoping she could fall asleep again.

She figured the pain killers had stopped working. Or maybe it was all the yelling going on around her.

“Tony-“

“No, I am immediately overprotective of her! She’s the sister I never had! She is awesome. There’s something about her I can’t quite put my finger on. You can’t keep her here at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ!”

No longer able to ignore the world around her, Clary opened an eye to take in the room. She was in a new hospital room, but this one looked possibly even more sterile than the last one. And, look at that, she was shackled to the bed.

“Guys… What the fuck?” Her voice was weak, and she was too tired to move, meaning she wasn’t noticed.

The cospl- the Captain was there, along with Tony Stark ( _‘Sorry mom.’_ ) along with a man in black. Who had an eye patch. (He might also be black, sorry, African American. The author doesn’t notice that kind of thing, so she’s not sure. She wouldn’t bet any money on the eye patch really being there either. She doesn’t judge.)

Mr. Stark stomped with his foot, acting like a five year old, because that is funny, despite its OOCness. There was also a pout.

“I’m going to go eat donuts now, due to my short attention span. I’m obsessed with them, since people saw me eating it once. I will also watch Super Nanny in honor of _Phil_.”

Neither men noticed the black, sorry, the _man_ who’s-not-white’s fists closing, but Clary did. Was he hiding something? Clary discovered she was very observant all of a sudden.

“She’s not a lab rat, she’s a person. She’s also not a prisoner, or a _guest_. Steve, take over.”

Clary saw Stark leave the room, deciding not to admire his backside due to the sister comment. Which was kind of weird. They had hardly even spoken.

“Captain, she is a threat.”

“I know. But so am I. So am Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Thor and Tony. Specially Tony. Well, ok, Natasha more. Definitely Natasha. We’re all terrified. Seriously, we don’t even know why, she’s just scary. Back to the point; you’re willing to send Loki off with Thor, as soon as Tony has managed to build the travel device. And you are willing to let us all go our separate ways. You trusted us. Now trust her. The complete stranger that we all love and trust. So much.”

The dark man sighed, weighing his options. Fury didn’t want to seem too uptight and off putting, but he was a man in power who had walked over corpses to get what he wanted (all for the greater good of course). Yet… He had seen footage of the girl as she fought the aliens and saved people. Fury felt in his gut she was something special. He decided to compromise. (Even though she could destroy the world for all he knew. But he didn’t want to be _that_ guy.)

“Fine. We’ll move her to Stark Tower after we’ve run the basic tests. Once she’s recovered enough, should be tomorrow afternoon, we will proceed with a few more tests. I imagine that all of those could be done under your supervision.”

They shared a BAMF-look conveying deep respect and shared morals before the eye patch guy gave a grave nod, produced a key and gave it to the Captain before exiting the room. (The coat did a bit of a ruffle/swirl thing. It was awesome.)

The Captain turned to the bed, eyes filling up with guilt and puppyness once he saw she was awake.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were awake.”

“That’s ok. Got some meds? Pain is back. Also, cuffs?”

He apologized while releasing her hands, saying the nurse who was in here got chased away, promising to come back with another one soon.

5 minutes after he left, a doctor with unusual looking strict expression did come with medication, saying she would soon be moved to another facility. She didn’t offer more info, just took blood tests, asked how she was feeling, ordinary doctor questions together with some weird questions about if she felt mind controlled in any way.

_‘Who are these people?’_

“What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor refused to meet her eyes or answer, saying she would know soon enough before leaving.

Sure enough, another 15 minutes later, she was rolled to a helicopter that flew her to Stark Tower. By then Clary was already sound asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if this needs to be said, but I love lots of the clichés I make fun off. I mean who doesn't love pouting Tony?
> 
> But I need more fanfic traditions to make fun off, so leave a comment.


	4. The Fourth Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pointless maybe-kinda-funny interlude.

Author is busy writing the next chapter (she wants smut sometime soon, she’s a horn dog) when a figure in black and red jumps out, twirling two swords and jumping up and down with excitement.

“Hey, I see you like to break the Fourth Wall. Add me!”

“I’m sorry Dead… Pool? I only know about you through that Wolverine movie, Wikipedia and other fics, so…”

“I’ll assassinate your main character if you don’t. Hear she doesn’t control that thingamabob yet.”

“She’ll smash you to bits with Mjölner if you try. Ops, spoiler.”

“Mjölner?”

“That’s the Swedish spelling. I’m Swedish. Shut up.”

Author makes a black hole appear, sucking Deadpool in. But she has a feeling he will be back. Hopefully in someone else’s fic.


	5. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary wakes up as a new scoobie.

Clary woke up, once again in New York (she didn’t even know she’d left it in the first place), being rolled in a wheelchair down a corridor. She was still dressed in her own clothes, something she liked, but then she noticed a change of clothes from her apartment sitting on her lap, which she liked a lot less.

“Did you guys go into my apartment? And get three, no, five pair of panties, but only one pair of everything else?”

She turned to look at whoever was pushing the wheelchair, and she was stunned by Mr. Arm. He was dressed in a new casual outfit, but he was definitely the same man who had worn purple and black while shooting arrows. Insert Robin Hood/Legolas/Katniss/Merida joke (was Brave even released, the author wondered and then ignored).

He smirked at her and winked, chuckling well naturedly, making Clary unable to dislike his creepy behavior. After all, he was pretty, and she should be nice, being a woman and all. After all, it could have been wor-

“Wait, you didn’t take anything, did you?”

The man winked again, grinning like a loon, ignoring Clary’s shivers. She was burning everything in underwear drawer and hamper once she got home.

“Oh my God, my cat. Did anyone feed my cat?”

“Yes, I did,” answered a redheaded woman who had sneakily sneaked up on Clary Due’s unwatched side, like a Ninja. Or a person who could sneak up on people who didn’t pay attention.

“Thank you. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Yes, I was visibly fighting alongside all the men, but will probably not feature on the news, in articles, t-shirts, mugs or anything at all, even though I saved the day.”

“You did?”

“Forget it.”

The man chuckled again.

“So, the cat; a rescue I assume?”

“Yes, an orphan, just like me. I feed him, love him, and wash him. Just like I do my elderly neighbor who can’t afford to live in a home.”

“They’ve been taken care of,” the redhead said ominously.

Clary remembered something Cap had said – obviously they were already on nick name basis since they will later hook up in the fic – and asked;

“So, you’re Natasha, right? The scary one?”

Natasha smiled, as if she had a secret.

The hot guy chuckled and rolled Clary into a partly hidden elevator, taking them a few more floors up.

“Where are we? And do you have some more pain meds?”

“Stark Tower. And you should have realized by now you’re tougher than most people.”

Clary didn’t feel tougher, and didn’t like the tone Natasha used. But she was of course scared shitless, and didn’t dare to say a damn thing. It was just a bit hard to deal with pain she had never felt before AND the annoying humming. And was there a blue light emanating mysteriously from her chest? Her torn tee showed a blue tint on the part of her chest that was revealed.

Must be the mysterious thing that landed her in this mess in the first place.  
The elevator doors opened to quite the scene.

A group of people where conversing in a huge common living area.

“But Peppeeeer, I don’t want to go to a press conference.”

“If you don’t, you won’t get any dinner. We need damage control.”

“Damage,” a brooding cute yet hot scientist muttered. “Oh, the damage. Aaaangst.”

“No,” Tony FUCKING Stark interrupted. “You are not responsible. You saved the day. Move in here immediately.”

“Ok. But I am unworthy of love.”

“Of course you are. We have that in common.”

“Science bros?”

“Science bros.”

The beautiful CEO cleared her throat and the entangled bros untangled.

“Maybe you should show our new guest around Tony. I have PAPERWORK to do. Remember, conference in an hour. Put on a shirt.”

The - for some reason shirtless and covered in grease and sweat - Billionaire Genius Playboy Philanthropist sauntered over to Clary and her new friends, smirking, while Legolas chuckled.

When Stark noticed where Clary’s eyes where focused (‘Sorry tragically murdered mom, his blue orb thing is so hot,) he joked “My eyes are up here,” and waited until their eyes meet before he winked. Unless he had winked before at another female. Which was very likely.

“So, you’re heroin Nr. 2. Good, good, we needed to make things even. You might be Avengers material.”

“What’s the Avengers? And how does two women in a six person group even things out? Did you count your love interest?”

“We are the Avengers, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” the Captain declared. “I guess. We just meet. Not sure we all have the same values or similar goals. One of us is an alien. He is guarding our Enemy. You’ll meet later. You’ll probably hear him before you see him.”

Clary nodded and looked around.

“This place is neat. A huge ass entertainment area and a kitchen. In a Tower made for separate businesses. Is this where the big wigs hang out?”

Stark shrugged, his skin glistening.

“It’s for us. I finished it like an hour ago. You were out over a day, lots of stuff happened. People are calling for our heads, building statues, calling for those statues’ heads, I suddenly want to be in a team and am developing new friendships very fast, discovering I have a long lost daughter named Darcy. It’s all good.”

The group took turns rolling their new sidekick around, introducing themselves more thoroughly so the author doesn’t have to bother later, and asking furtive questions about Clary’s life, her job, her friends, her allies, enemies, magic powers…  
“What? No magic here.”

“You truly are gifted,” the Captain whispered.

“And so brave,” Katniss added.

“We should have a drink sometimes,” Natasha inserted.

“Hey, I called dibs first. Remembered Budapest?” Katniss objected.

“I didn’t hit on her, Barton,” Natasha explained.

“Good,” Barton replied.

Big Green just smiled. Thank God in a non-smirking way.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you find the Supernatural reference in chapter 1? It's this Chuck quote: "Then, with determination, Dean pushed the doorbell with forceful... determination." And the Buffy reference was Mr. Sticky, since Buffy had a stake called Mr. Pointy.
> 
> Know of any clichés I should include? Leave a comment. No fandom or genre is off limit.


End file.
